mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
