Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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