Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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