And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
