I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
