Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
