I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
