I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize