Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
