It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
