remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
