he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
