At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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