This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
