im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
