it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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