I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
