love makes seman taste better
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
