just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
