i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Hippo gnu deer
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
