We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
