her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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