This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
