I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
