i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
