im drinking this country out of the recession.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize