did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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