I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
