UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
