i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
