i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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