girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
