I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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