dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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