Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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