im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
