You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
