Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
