So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
FUCK WHALES
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