hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
