If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
