I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
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