I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
