I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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