Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
