Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize