you have to choose: penises or morals?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
