This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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