Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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