we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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