Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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