I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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