maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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