Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
