I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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