Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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