I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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