Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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