i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize