remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
