nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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