ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
