The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
