He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
