she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
