becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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