i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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