Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize