She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize